you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
