I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
