I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
