The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
