I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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