This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
