Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
