Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
