this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
