You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
