I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
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