Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
