It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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