she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
