actually, I'm a sock model
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
