marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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