you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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