YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
only if we run a train.
done.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
