If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
