An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
