i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
