literally had 100 drinks last night.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
This is my gift to your gina
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
