My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
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