When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
