We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
