"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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