There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
