My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
porn star boner night. come get it.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
