Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
What a dumb baby whore.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Randomize
