oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize