i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
