do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
my nose is crying tears of wow.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
