I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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