he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
