Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
