new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
