you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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