The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
someone owes me an orgasm
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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