u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
