i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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