I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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