I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
where does the pee come out of this thing
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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