I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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