the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
