I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Screwed.edu
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
