well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
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