neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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