i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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