I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
