similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
