Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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