i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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