I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
