Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
