Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
