Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
