Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I can't put those talents on a resume
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
