the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
