Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
