Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
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