how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
