oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
