so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
