....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
