i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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