you turned your livingroom into a bong?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
