why didn't you poke me back
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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