Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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