I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
