im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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