..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
