I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
