his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
