Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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