took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
