I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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