end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
