i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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