I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
