shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Randomize
