After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize