she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Are we still banned from the library?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
