1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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