I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
