I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
