Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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