Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
