He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
