Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
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