He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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