sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
