Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
