You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
