My liver just broke up with me...
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
