I'm gonna have a badass scar
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
