They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
