i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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