There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
